Argonath RPG - A World of its own

Argonath RPG Community => Speakerbox => Topic started by: DellStorm on July 20, 2015, 05:48:36 am

Title: Dell's redemption
Post by: DellStorm on July 20, 2015, 05:48:36 am: Hi guys and girls of Argonath.

I write this message with two purposes. Honesty and integrity. I look to give yet again some inspiration and to cut into some demons which I have had to come to terms with. I hope people do not see it as attention seeking as I could have just left this as a journal entry but my hope is that at least one person reading this may look into it and do something different with their life.

I know a few things have been said and they cannot be unsaid. I take responsibility for all my actions be them good, bad, done with malicious intent, WS Louis knows what I mean. As does Caion. Caion looked at a log file on his server some time ago, in it he found messages that were less than leader like. He did speak to me about it but I wasn't man enough to embrace the concept and face change. Louis noticed something about my nature that was also less than leader like material. That was that even leaders have a weakness, can be greedy and selfish and bullying. He never forgave me for that action. What I was to learn later was that I had not only lost virtual money, but a key friend who like most of you reading this had great trust and respect for his leader.

I can often be said to have done things in a manner which is uncalled for. Dino knows this all too well. He has been my number one as has Leon, Senate and many others. He said something to me which cut to the truth. I had lost my sense of self. I had the power and with it Talya found what I could do with it. He mentioned several times that I was out of order. My thoughts? Looking back on those activities something else was driving me. It was my selfish nature to be better than everyone else. Whilst my thoughts were never to harm the people around me, I had not thought about the ripples made by my stones pulling people to pieces.

This was not always the case. For in the beginning I was kind, considerate gentle and helpful. What changed? Bitterness that I could not release. Bitterness of Murt, of people who had done hurtful things to me as I was coming into the ranks. I made peace with Murt, but I had not made peace with myself. I had always since my suspension been deflective of the samp management team. But I should have known and listened to what a fellow admin once said. A difficult to get along with but brutally honest person. Knowing what I now know I should have changed my belief system and made changes happen. But I only spoke about them, never followed them through. Every so often I would ask him what was going on, he would say there's this wrong and that wrong but it wasn't his job to fix it. I didn't like his mindset but I was also being a hypocrite.

I think there are times when everyone must look at themselves and say, am I doing the right thing. Well, my view was that I was. The thing was I wasn't doing enough. I got lazy, I lost my drive and became a person who was only interested in one thing. Mentoring. Instead of looking at the challenges in and around. Using what I had learnt and giving people the benefit of it, I didn't look at the bigger picture. I'm sorry for that. There are demons in all men, but to go the extra mile to cut where it matters is the start of my journey.

This is where the true progress is made. To help others you must first know yourself, know your strengths and your weaknesses. Be accountable for those weaknesses and bring them out. To challenge your beliefs and values. To be flexible and transparent. To be open and lead by example.

People know I did good during my time, that's true but the bad carries with it a heavier weight. A leader challenged my perspective. I wouldn't say he helped but he showed me something. He showed me what having power can do. To stop asking questions to challenge authority and to be ignorant of changes. I didn't see what he was doing. I was stubborn. He knows it. In fact I took it the other way and defied his wishes. Is that so different from the person Caion saw or Louis? I don't think so.

Over the past 18 months there's been significant changes. Lessons learnt, challenges overcome. Demons faced. This is living. This is a part of life.

As many of you grow up, become into middle aged men, where will your life take you? I never thought I would be where I am today. Nor did I know of the strengths I had. The weaknesses I would have to overcome. The people on Argo showed me my flaws, but not how to correct them.

There are three ways of knowledge. The things we know we know. The things we know we don't know and the things we don't know we don't know.

To get what you want you have to deserve what you want. To deserve it you must first have respect for it, then earn it. That's in anything in life. Friendship, position, lover.

When you're afraid and your down on your mindset, what are you thinking about? Obligation, selfish reasons? Opportunity? Prosperity?

If I don't stand up and tell you my sins, am I able to be seen by those and lead by example? Think about it. Think about what you stand for. Is it who you are? Or what you have chosen to become.

You can all make changes to yourself. You can always be that bit nicer to mother, brother, sister, friend and foe. You need to realise the reason for change and do one thing each day to get you to where you want to go.

So what I do differently? I read more. I listen more. I challenge myself more and if I fail, if I fall down. I stay down for an hour, a day or a week, but I make the conscience decision to get back up. To be more than I am today. To move in the direction that's right. If it's not right I try to make it right. This is the message I give you and myself for its actions that speak louder than words.

It's time to change. For I must change in order to grow. I'm not there yet. I still miss beats in the rhythm of life. I'm not always as sharp as I should be, but I have a new frame of mind.

What is the change? The people who I listen to. The people who I trust, the environment I put myself in, the attitudes I take on-board. I realise choice rules our life. We think people are better than us. They aren't and they don't think that about us but if we think we are then we will always be Worse. There is a story of a girl who for most of her life said was told she wasn't good enough. She accepted that and never tried. She was never good at anything until one day someone gave her inspiration. From this day she has triumphed. If you look at the stars of the world, they have all had to come over their hardships.

Are you stuck out in some kind of hole? I was.

You change your mindset, go past what you think is right and wrong, experiment push yourself, break barriers, test your comfort zone and limits then you get to a place you never realised. This is what I did about two months ago.

It's not easy, it takes willpower. It didn't come overnight. In fact it took 18 months Just to get on the right road. But it's something everyone can do if they just try.

So what am I doing? Message of inspiration? Message of attention? Neither. It's merely my way of saying sorry to those who need to hear it. It's my way of helping those who are in a worse frame of mind as me. And it's showing the community of Argonath how they need to challenge people around them. To keep others in check. Do you think if Dino had got together with others and told me, enough is enough I would have listened? Yes. The trouble was only a few were honest enough to say. It clouded my thoughts.

When only a few have the courage to day something who you trust, and many don't see what you've done. Judge on what others have said and not seen for themselves, it's difficult to see what the problem is. But get enough of the right guidance, enough slaps in your face and you'll soon start to see the cracks in your foundations.
There's two things I would like everyone on Argonath to think about and take action on. If there's one thing today that you need to start doing, develop the courage to stand out and push towards it. If there's one thing you need to stop doing, develop the drive to stop it. Perhaps it's negativity that's strangling your potential. Perhaps it's others who you think are bringing you down. Know that it's only what you think about yourself that has the power for change. If your think your fat, you'll make a change to go thinner. If you think you're complacent and happy where you are, think about what commitments you can make to yourself to go that step further.

There are poets here, sports professionals, programmers, writers, doctors, teachers and leaders reading this right now. Are you following your dream? If not when did you give up? Why did you give up? What stopped you?

My story is, I stopped believing in myself. When I got community leader I got bitter and didn't want to change. In 2010 I had an abusive relationship with a guy, Argonath showed me a new way of being. It also showed me how to love again. It distilled loving and caring values for fellow man, fellow woman and child. It gave me what I was lacking. It made a leader out of me.

I now stand before you on the forum as a guy who has had to overcome many barriers. Many bad truths. There's a ton of people on here that without their help I wouldn't be where I am today. I look forward in them reading this message. Learning from it.

Start being yourself, you can't run from your problems, your life or your family. Instead you have to work on them. Love yourself Argo. You're capable of more than you think. Look at the examples around you.

My love to you Argo.

Dell.
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Nathan on July 20, 2015, 08:19:19 am: Dell, my question is... now what?
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Rapper on July 20, 2015, 09:51:19 am: :/
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Drix on July 20, 2015, 11:18:29 am: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuHfVn_cfHU

For the TL;Dr;ers version.
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Danny Soulson on July 20, 2015, 11:33:15 am: :app: i miss you man, welcome back :D

~Noire, Chris warrener , Danny soulson
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: beLTa on July 20, 2015, 11:46:05 am: Okay.
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: TiMoN on July 20, 2015, 11:54:26 am: Hi Dell.
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Axison on July 20, 2015, 11:58:21 am: I don't know what to say. Thats only because i don't know what the fuck is happening. But whatever it is, Welcome back. <3
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Lustigkurre on July 20, 2015, 12:10:31 pm: alright.
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Volcom on July 20, 2015, 12:13:06 pm: i already noticed you lost your admin status on forum, dude we learn from the mistakes, you made a mistake but you was good enough to recognize it and learn from it, not everybody is capable of that

Welcome back :app:
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: TiMoN on July 20, 2015, 12:13:56 pm: Quote from: Volcom on July 20, 2015, 12:13:06 pm
i already noticed you lost your admin status on forum, dude we learn from the mistakes, you made a mistake but you was good enough to recognize it and learn from it, not everybody is capable of that

Welcome back :app:
Every inactive admin had their rights removed.
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: jannik852 on July 20, 2015, 12:14:41 pm: â€œJudge not, and you will not be judged;
condemn not, and you will not be condemned;
forgive, and you will be forgiven".
- Luke 6:37
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: psyron on July 20, 2015, 12:16:47 pm: Quote from: jannik852 on July 20, 2015, 12:14:41 pm
â€œJudge not, and you will not be judged;
condemn not, and you will not be condemned;
forgive, and you will be forgiven".
- Luke 6:37

daayuummmmmmm +1
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Volcom on July 20, 2015, 12:27:52 pm: Quote from: TiMoN on July 20, 2015, 12:13:56 pm
Every inactive admin had their rights removed.

didn't know
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Khm on July 20, 2015, 12:33:29 pm: :app:
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Ice_Cream on July 20, 2015, 12:39:56 pm: Delly!! :app:

<3 Ice :weed: :weed:
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Devin on July 20, 2015, 12:47:58 pm: Quote from: TiMoN on July 20, 2015, 12:13:56 pm
Every inactive admin had their rights removed.

It wasn't removed for inactivity but okay.
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Antonio. on July 20, 2015, 01:11:40 pm: Nice to hear from you, Dell. :)
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Yasko on July 20, 2015, 01:13:45 pm: Welcome back Dell :bananav:
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Plam_Knight on July 20, 2015, 01:25:05 pm: Are you gonna stick around to contribute something this time, rather then spreading long a** stories and then leaving few days after, like nothing happened.
Don't get me wrong, fancy story there, but are you ready to contribute something more to this place then just - "<3" ?

Other then that welcome back and lets see how long it will last.
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Mark on July 20, 2015, 01:27:57 pm: I believe you will be playing on IV:MP again, you gave alot and many people are missing you there, i'm surprised on Talya's part and i believe you will somehow help to restabilish what's lost in IVMP, the spirit.
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Trevor. on July 20, 2015, 01:40:01 pm: Hello Dell .
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Pizza4_Games on July 20, 2015, 02:18:05 pm: For real, took me like 27 minutes to read it, but i understand what you're trying to say dell :)
Good Luck in the future my friend.
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: AK47 on July 20, 2015, 02:24:09 pm: great to hear from you :)
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Tiny on July 20, 2015, 03:26:53 pm: Greatly said, man. People who get the message know that it's not easy to write such a message. Good luck reaching your goals, any advice is probably useless reading what your mindset is like at the moment. ;)
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Gandalf on July 20, 2015, 10:04:39 pm: Welcome back Dell, and I am happy to see you have overcome a dark period in your life. Sorry I could not be around at that particular time a break was happening but in the end you came through.
In the almost 9 years here I have often seen people go trhough various stages, the optimism of childhood being replaced by rebellion, followed by despair when the world turns out not to be made for your wishes to come true. It is after overcoming this phase that the childhood charater returns, and life becomes more stable. Unfortunately most player have by then burnt their bridges and while they may occasionally think of how they wasted their time talking to people from all over the world, not many have the ability to return and show they have grown and left behind their bad phase.
The first one we know did this was a scripter and ally, later foe, of the first hour. He was part of the initial attacks we had to suffer. A couple of years later Aragorn received a fully unexpected apology mail wher he remebered the good times and hoped we could forgive the bad times.
Many have followed, some are still here while others went back to keeping their life together.
Time will tell what you will do, but it is good to know that the original Dellstorm has surfaced back. If you do not have my new Skype, PM me.
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Leroy on July 20, 2015, 10:45:02 pm: I wasn't really aware of what happened as I was inactive during that time. But the Dell I knew was a pretty cool guy, and by the looks of it, he's back and hopefully for good. Mistakes are made, just learn from them. ;)
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Volcom on July 20, 2015, 11:06:10 pm: Quote from: Leroy on July 20, 2015, 10:45:02 pm
I wasn't really aware of what happened as I was inactive during that time. But the Dell I knew was a pretty cool guy, and by the looks of it, he's back and hopefully for good. Mistakes are made, just learn from them. ;)

Welcome back you too Leroy
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Marcel on July 20, 2015, 11:31:52 pm: Great to hear from you again Dell. My Skype is always open.
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Leroy_Kolta on July 21, 2015, 12:08:41 am: Welcome back, bud.
Please stay.
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Younes on July 21, 2015, 01:09:03 am: Nice to see you coming back.
You were and still are a real example for me and many others, I have learnt many things from you. It's really hard to change yourself as you said, but you will get what you want at the end.. I don't know what happened with you, but I believe it was a mistake that can be corrected. As everyone else. Everyone do faults, the important is to learn from it. Though, it is easy to say, but hard to do. I believe that If we keep standing when failing, we can correct them and change to better and much better. Even if it takes a long period for that. The real failure is to give up, attempts after failing will bring the success. I have seen in my life many people who were really bad in attitude to others, but they've changed themselves to the better and now if someone tells you how they were in the past, you won't believe him.

I hope to see you back in IV:MP, we really miss you there. Welcome back!
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: TheRock on July 21, 2015, 01:42:09 am: Very well said my old friend! If you can not believe and respect your own self, you can not do the same for the people around you. It takes guts to go public and aknowledge your mistakes and situation. What happent is past, past is there to remind you of your mistakes and prevent you from making them again.

Hats off! (http://smileys.newbeginningsnetwork.com/piwigo/galleries/EXPRESSIONS_AND_GREETINGS/salute/hat-tip-smiley-emoticon.gif)
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Aiden. on July 21, 2015, 10:10:06 am: Welcome back my nigga, I cried for you, I hope you remember. Much glad to hear you're back again :bananav:
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: ~Legend~ on July 26, 2015, 05:41:57 pm: Dell it's great to hear from you again after a long time.
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: EDGE on August 01, 2015, 06:50:17 pm: Delly !
You are always my all time favorite Argonath Character .
Screams! <3
:bananav: :jackson: :bananarock:
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Louis H on August 01, 2015, 07:31:16 pm: I appreciate your apology.
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: RizzE. on August 01, 2015, 07:40:54 pm: Board Moderator Notice: Removed unnecessary comment - Nathan.
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Leon. on August 24, 2015, 07:03:22 am: Quote from: Gandalf on July 20, 2015, 10:04:39 pm
In the almost 9 years here I have often seen people go trhough various stages, the optimism of childhood being replaced by rebellion, followed by despair when the world turns out not to be made for your wishes to come true. It is after overcoming this phase that the childhood charater returns, and life becomes more stable. Unfortunately most player have by then burnt their bridges and while they may occasionally think of how they wasted their time talking to people from all over the world, not many have the ability to return and show they have grown and left behind their bad phase.
That hit me so hard. It's amazing how much change can be measured by observing one's behavior on an online community.
Title: Re: Dell's redemption
Post by: Stof. on August 24, 2015, 09:52:15 am: I was in the same place a few years back, Dell and I think it takes a big person to expose all of their demons and most importantly come to terms with them so you can begin the journey to becoming a better person. You may not remember but from 2009-2011 I was really heavy into drugs and being rebellious for absolutely no reason at all, though this attitude didn't show in game for a while. It finally did and I was being myself in-game, I started to let certain things, emotions and my own immaturity take control over me and I'd lash out on people in the community and turn on people who had tried to help me. Although none of it can be taken back, still to this day I do what ever I can and still contribute as much as possible to this server that I once hurt because of my own problems. I guess it's not what you've learnt, it's how you put what you've learnt into practice and start recouping.

The point I'm trying to make I guess is that, we all make mistakes and act certain ways sometimes, but as long as we can learn and grow from those wrongs we can make it right again.

You're always welcome in Argonath as far as I'm concerned.