Argonath RPG - A World of its own
Argonath RPG Community => Speakerbox => Topic started by: Matt Murdock on May 01, 2012, 01:01:04 pm
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Well, A place where we can share some funny jokes :D If one already exists please do link me up. :devroll:
I'll post a joke after each post, just to keep this going in the beginning. ;)
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A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
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(http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/19774132.jpg)
Anti-joke chicken ftw
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A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report:Most honorable sir,You leave house.I watch house.He come to house. I watch.He and she leave house. I follow.He and she go in hotel. I climb tree.I look in window.He kiss she. She kiss he.He strip she. She strip he.He play with she. She play with he.I play with me. I fall off tree.I not see.No fee, Chen Lee.
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horse walks into a bar
bartender says "why the long face"
horse: my brother died
cancer
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.
Half a worm is even worse. :lol:
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A man walks into a bar
he's an alcoholic and it's destroying his family
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A Balla goes into a store and buys something.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side!
OH MY GOD! Complete win! Beat everyone there!
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:wow:
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What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby dressed as a clown.
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What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby dressed as a clown.
What's the difference between a dead baby and my wife?
I don't kiss my wife after sex.
Great joke by a great man, Tony Clifton.
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What did the Ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just Waved.
Did you Sea what I did there? Did you?
I'm Shore you did.
Haha, now another beach will post a joke.
Someone please sand another joke!
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What did the Ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just Waved.
Did you Sea what I did there? Did you?
I'm Shore you did.
Haha, now another beach will post a joke.
Someone please sand another joke!
lol.
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An orthodox priest goes down a highway in a car. Suddenly he comes across a dead donkey. He calls the cops and asks them "could you come to remove the donkey from the highway?"
Cop wanted to look smart so he asked the priest: "ok, but did you read him a pre death prair?"
And the priest replies: "No, i wanted to alert the closest family first."
LMAO :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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A gypo girl is about to get married. Her mum says, "Emerald, you do realise that when you're married your husband will want to stick his most prized possession in to where you piss?" The daughter replies, "Shut up Ma, how the fuck's he gonna fit his Transit van in the sink?"
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An orthodox priest goes down a highway in a car. Suddenly he comes across a dead donkey. He calls the cops and asks them "could you come to remove the donkey from the highway?"
Cop wanted to look smart so he asked the priest: "ok, but did you read him a pre death prair?"
And the priest replies: "No, i wanted to alert the closest family first."
LMAO :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
LOL
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A gypo girl is about to get married. Her mum says, "Emerald, you do realise that when you're married your husband will want to stick his most prized possession in to where you piss?" The daughter replies, "Shut up Ma, how the f**k's he gonna fit his Transit van in the sink?"
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Thats so fucking true! 90% of all the gypos in my area have a Transit! Including all the ones that arnt even old enough to drive by 5 years! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Why are all black people fast?
Because the slow ones are in jail.
no racist shiet
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A man walks over the sidewalk, noticing a woman walking up to her.
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Why are all black people fast?
Because the slow ones are in jail.
no racist shiet
:lol:
A man walks over the sidewalk, noticing a woman walking up to her.
Heh?
A joke I saw back in the day:
What did the managers say when Nexxt applied to be an admin?
Next! :D
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Q: There are 17 blonds standing outside a disco but why couldn't they get in?
A: The sign said "must be 18 to enter".
Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
A: To get chocolate milk.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?
New Recruit: Call for backup!
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave.
The phone rings at the neighbors house. Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?"
"Yep."
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
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Why are all black people fast?
Because the slow ones are in jail.
no racist shiet
Omg, major racism omg Obama call meeting about this!
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What do you call a snail on a ship?
A snail.
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What do you call a red headed lady aged 50, dressed in trendy clothes and high heels travelling from new York to Chicago in first class?
a passenger
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What do you call a snail on a ship?
A snail.
LOL :lol:
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An Irishman walks past a bar.
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Don't remember where I read this.
A: I just broke up with my girlfriend!
B: Oh I'm sorry!
A: It's okay, she'll come crawling back.
B: Why?
A: I stole her wheelchair.
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Best Stand Up Comedy Ever! Mitch Fatel. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgMrX3r27KU#)
LOLOLOLOLLOLLOL.LOL.LOL.LOL.LOL.LOL.LOL .OL.LOOL.O.LOLOL
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An Irishman walks past a bar.
:lol:
Don't remember where I read this.
A: I just broke up with my girlfriend!
B: Oh I'm sorry!
A: It's okay, she'll come crawling back.
B: Why?
A: I stole her wheelchair.
I lol'd but it's just mean. :lol:
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One day, a Soviet man and an American man died. The devil then granted them a choice of which hell they would go to; Soviet Hell or American Hell. In each hell, you had to eat a bucket of shit a day, except you had to eat two buckets in Soviet Hell.
Of course, the Soviet chose Soviet Hell while the American chose the American Hell. After a week or so, the two meet again.
The Soviet asks, "So, what's it like in American Hell?"
The American replies, " "Exactly what the devil said, the Hell itself is OK, but eating a bucket of shit is killing me. And you?"
"Ah, it feels just like home - either the shit doesn't get delivered or there aren't enough buckets for everyone!"
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One day, a Soviet man and an American man died. The devil then granted them a choice of which hell they would go to; Soviet Hell or American Hell. In each hell, you had to eat a bucket of shit a day, except you had to eat two buckets in Soviet Hell.
Of course, the Soviet chose Soviet Hell while the American chose the American Hell. After a week or so, the two meet again.
The Soviet asks, "So, what's it like in American Hell?"
The American replies, " "Exactly what the devil said, the Hell itself is OK, but eating a bucket of shit is killing me. And you?"
"Ah, it feels just like home - either the shit doesn't get delivered or there aren't enough buckets for everyone!"
A stupid nacinalist joke. That wont go without a reply!
Post Merge: May 18, 2012, 10:06:30 am
Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do they leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do they use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do they buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America.....do they use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
11. Only in America......can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House. (This was popular when Clinton was in office)
Now THAT is funny, AND true!
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One day, a Soviet man and an American man died. The devil then granted them a choice of which hell they would go to; Soviet Hell or American Hell. In each hell, you had to eat a bucket of shit a day, except you had to eat two buckets in Soviet Hell.
Of course, the Soviet chose Soviet Hell while the American chose the American Hell. After a week or so, the two meet again.
The Soviet asks, "So, what's it like in American Hell?"
The American replies, " "Exactly what the devil said, the Hell itself is OK, but eating a bucket of shit is killing me. And you?"
"Ah, it feels just like home - either the shit doesn't get delivered or there aren't enough buckets for everyone!"
:lol:
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An Irishman walks past a bar.
now thats just silly the only time i walk past bars is to go to the other one