Argonath RPG "inventory" items / ItemDex

[JDC]

Let's imagine Argonath RPG had unique inventory items. Post them here with the name and description.
 
- The item must parody Argonath popular culture.
- Any humor posted about someone else must be something that can be taken in good fun.
- No derogatory posts that will offend others.
- Posts must fit the said player's reputation.
- Do not post about yourself, leave that to the others.
 
Examples:
 

Aragorn's Ban Hammer
"A weapon feared by rogue admins as well as by trolls."
 
Twenty's Driver License
"Many wonder how she managed to get it, as it bears no seal from any DS."

I'll start.
 
Sheriff Jcstodds' Truck
"It is rumored to be haunted by the spirits of dead immigrants."

[Marauder]

Tai's Cursed Tais
"Feared by all but the rule-breakers."

Dunno lol.

[Petar]

JDC's RPIT
"The reply feared by all idea posters"

[Jack Rosso]

Remo's Deagle
''i keel you all motafukkas!''

[Daco]

JDC's RPIT
"The reply feared by all idea posters"

/thread

[JDC]

Vince's Donut Case
"Unlike other SAPD Officers', his is secured with laser alarms."

[Trey_Johnson]

Remo Gulucan

"Dming the community since born". 

[MorlanV]

Valentino's Flatbed

"Smells badly of marijuana, semen and blood"

Vince's Moustache

"Started growing at the age of 9 months, and was first trimmed at the age of 2"

Chuck-A-Tai's Boomerang

"Feared by only himself and the peaceful, but never by the ban evaders"