Fresh from the WIP: Poem

[Leon.]

About: Technology, from today's point of view.
Tell me what needs work.


Antares exists no closer to us, no farther
Than does God himself, or Pluto himself
But when mankind plays God, and mankind plays Satan
May a miracle happen, a miracle of centuries to pass

Dictionary's to books, books to pages
Pages to fifteen lines, fifteen lines to three words
All of the same meaning, all belong to the father himself
All of them being stolen, to be granted life

Man starts, places his icicle in the abyss
The abyss where the Giant may form
The abyss where he lives
And who he shall destroy a century later

Man progresses, flame on hand, ice on ground
Man hammers the ice, burning it down
Man is failing, he does not know why
But what he fails to realize, is he is missing the deal

Man moves out, discovers a bond
The bond, that never falls together
That would never come off his writhing fingers
But only to come off at his own command

So man grabs his icicle, hammering, hammering
Hammering his superior flaming fist, directly into the base
Progressing, accomplishing, moving on as integrity is gained
No loss, no pain, only a simple creation, created by Man

It is born, the Giant is born
He who provides sanctuary, provides loathing, love
Provides the possibility of the gift granted only once
And that one gift, so precious, so true, is life

Man is given the chance, a century later
To enter his sanctuary, and be home free
But Man has learned his lesson, and Man is done
So Man played Satan, and slayed his creation

[Frederick]

I've always had a problem with understanding poems to be honest, and this was no exception.  Don't take this in the wrong way though, I'm not saying this poem is not done properly, or anything of that sort.  First off I have little to no experience writing poems in the first place.  It's just a mentality I have where I always have trouble understanding poems.

However, what I did get out of it made much sense, and I love the idea behind this poem actually.  It seems to me one that is spiritual, and not actually physical although material objects were mentioned in the poem.  To me it seems you used those material objects to substitute for other things and to give the poem a better understanding.  So, overall, I liked it, and good work.  Keep it up. 

[Leon.]

I've always had a problem with understanding poems to be honest, and this was no exception.  Don't take this in the wrong way though, I'm not saying this poem is not done properly, or anything of that sort.  First off I have little to no experience writing poems in the first place.  It's just a mentality I have where I always have trouble understanding poems.

However, what I did get out of it made much sense, and I love the idea behind this poem actually.  It seems to me one that is spiritual, and not actually physical although material objects were mentioned in the poem.  To me it seems you used those material objects to substitute for other things and to give the poem a better understanding.  So, overall, I liked it, and good work.  Keep it up. 

Why, thank you. Here, take a cookie. Hope you don't mind, I took a bite

[Jingle]

I am an old-style guy, but this poem, i understand it a lot.
IMO Nothing should be changed, i enjoyed it, good job