Funny jokes and Stories

[TheRealStof]

wanna hear a joke? .......... Womens rights    SNAP! BANG!

wanna hear a funny joke? ......... asians are everywhere at the zoo, they are trying to communicate with the monkeys to see if they are relatives and trying to find their way to the whale part to catch a feed (not by stof..by raymond :P)

[JDC]

wanna hear a funny joke? ......... asians are everywhere at the zoo, they are trying to communicate with the monkeys to see if they are relatives and trying to find their way to the whale part to catch a feed (not by stof..by raymond :P)

Not funny.

[Drix]

An african wild guy, comes to america, and sees a marathon going on but he dosn't know anything about it..
He looks around, and notices all of them are running and he taps one guy near him who was looking it to, and says:
Hello, mind telling me what's going on here?
The guy answers :
Well, you see it's a marathon. Who's first win.
The african guy says :
Uhuhm, then why the others are running?



anyway here's another

Britney and Justin, was walking around the beach when studenntly Justin says :
Aww britney look at that dead birdie...
*she looks up in the sky*
Where?!

[MisterSjeiks]

I dont get the first one

[Spikmun]

From a mother, with love
 
               Dear Child,

I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.

Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.

They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.

Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.

Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.

[Altair_Carter]

Fuckin lolld 
Especially at:

PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.

[Spikmun]

LOL This ones quite good xD -

It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died.

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died? he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this; I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

[BlueFox]

haha Spikmun, that is good :P

[Spikmun]

This one is good xD -

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."

[VANCEPLAYER]

OMG spikmun! that is funny! ROFl you got some nice jokes!

what do you call cheese that's not yours?..........

 Not'yo cheese!!

[TheRealStof]

Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were
sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper.
After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the
elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb
75 flights of stairs to get to their room.  Bill said to Jim and
Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by
concentrating on something interesting.  I'll tell jokes for 25
flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can
tell sad stories the rest of the way.  At the 26th floor Bill
stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing.  At the 51st floor
Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories.  "I will
tell my saddest story first," he said.  "I left the room key in
the car!"

Jesus makes 20 and God wants to make him a present. He reminds that his son never had a sexual relation and gives him the best whore he could find. Jesus goes with here in a room:
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Terrible sounds come from that room. God goes in to see what