The power of friendship and emotions. (<3) Overcoming stress and anxiety in life

[DellStorm]

The power of friendship and emotions. (<3)

Hey Argo,

How’s everyone doing today?

I was inspired today to write about friendship so I’d like to ask you how valuable your friendships are.

I’ll begin with my usual message which is I hope everyone out there is doing the best they can with what they have and treating every day as an opportunity. I thought came today for me to speak about the value of friendships. Perhaps there’s someone in your life right now that might be able to use this informaiton. Perhaps no matter where you are right now there’s someone you can call on in times of need for those you who this applies I write this for you.

I didn’t understand quite what friendship meant a few years ago. I didn’t really understand the impact that it can have on our lives. I had to learn a very simple truth which I’m sure all of you can come to terms with. “The greatest assets you’ll have is the friends and family around you”. This can be really hard to understand. Who do you look up to? Who can you share your issues with. Who can you rely on? Who are you most happiest talking to? Friends can impact us in so many different ways. Sometimes its difficult to see what are friends are saying. Sometimes we don’t want to listen to them because they often tell us things we don’t want to hear. But underneath it all, there’s a person who you know cares about you and you care about them.

I went around the united states last year and noticed something special. I made friends with a guy who I wouldn’t have thought possible. I was introduced by him to so many different aspects of life and came back changed in the way I saw something.

There’s many of you on here who I value as friends, who have indeed shaped the way that I look at things. There’s people on here who I admire that I look up to. Even though you could say they look up or did look up to me. Either way we all have something to offer someone if we take the time to notice.

Its true that every 5 years or so people change. Their situations change, their aspirations may change or the people they hang out with change. This is normal and natural. You always know the people that you can trust and rely on and in the back of your mind no matter what happens you’ll still be friends. There’s times when friendships may fade or when friends make you unhappy. Its up to you to understand why that is. Its important to also know what a friend is and what a friend can do you for you.

Those that have been on Argonath for a number of years will notice how easy it is to make friends as they will develop into groups and parts of the community that inspire them. They will have to check themselves and alter themselves to different states of roleplay. They will notice what works, what doesn’t. For me it taught me how difficult is it is sometimes to get through to people when you’re focusing on a specific goal that you want the team, in my case the administration to focus on. Its important to make sure everyones voice gets heard along with your own. Friendship is the factors at play throughout your life. Your life will be shaped around the friends you can trust and rely on. They will change the way you think and will help you when you get stuck or in a state of change.

A few times you’ll slip up. I did, because I didn’t understand what people were saying. Its important to know where you stand with people and without a solid grounding of trust you can’t be sure. So have a check up once in a while as to how people around you are doing. We often don’t say the things we should. And we say the wrong things at the wrong time without looking at the view point of the other person.

My message towards everyone who values friendship is just check up on how much value you are adding to your friend. What can you help with that perhaps you overlooked? I’ve had many different skills from different friends all come together and make something great. Someone who knows Korean, another comes together and knows German. All of a sudden you have a powerful house of people who can talk to different people that you never had access to before. Its these kinds of parts that we don’t necessarily see straight away because we don’t understand where people come from.

A story I have to tell is how I came across Argonath. It wasn’t by chance so much as luck because I had a friend who I played with on another server. It was the friend of mine who got me interested in other servers. Amazing how friendship would spawn this relationship. It was a friendship with one of the moderators of IVMP that gave the courage and inspiration to join up to the community to be apart of something bigger than myself. It was through friendships that many of my opportunities have come.

If we take a time out and focus on whats important you’ll notice sometimes that its what value people give us that we can all learn from. This is my message to you all just to think about how you impact those around you and perhaps rethink some of the choices you’ve made in the past and think about what you could have done differently. Perhaps there’s a good friendship that’s in need of some nutrition. Perhaps there’s people who you need to let go of because they aren’t adding value to you like they once were. Perhaps by just reading this you can see how much I value the friends I still have on Argonath. Although you may not know it, I still communicate directly with a lot of you via email and text messages. Pretty amazing considering how it all started. I’ve been very fortunate to meet many of you and talk to you privately for that I’m eternally grateful.

Thats my first point, now for those of you still reading and wondering where i’m going to next I want to talk about the subject of emotion. I understand that this is mainly a male based community so I want to explain to you how the power of emotion can alter our states and how it also should not be overlooked.

If you can picture for a moment the idea that you have two separate brains. Imagine you have two sides of yourself that just work without you realising it. You have your emotional brain and your logical brain. The logical brain makes connections between right and wrong, what is a logical step in a series of strategies towards a potential solution. Programmers will get what I mean by the rational brain. Anyone interested in sorting through Maths equations will get the idea of the logical brain.

Whats harder to notice is the emotional brain. Amazingly if you have ever felt like not doing very much, perhaps a lazy day or lack of interest. Despite logically you thinking you should be doing things. Its the emotional brain at play making you ‘feel’ lousy. Its the emotional brain that can push you towards where you need to go and give you the courage you need to get things done. Its what happens when we get stressed, our emotions go further than they normally would. If you’ve ever been hurt or threatened or been angry or felt joy, you’ll notice you become almost a totally different person depending on how you are feeling that day.

Our emotions can run high and that’s dangerous. It can ruin friendships, it can harm us physically without us even realising. It can make us say things we often regret later and it can make us do the dumbest of actions. It can hijack the rational mind and render us dumb. We then can only see in black and white. This is pretty incredible how our brains can operate.

On the same token, the opposite is also true. When the emotional brain and the rational brain are charged with the same energy we go into a state flow. This is the state I am in right now whilst I’m writing this. We just get to where we need to without much energy and effort. Its like we go on autopilot and we get our most amazing ideas, the most creative sides of us all come together. If you see athletes get into a state of flow when they are all together they can be amazing and they make what is hard look easy. You see it all the time but sometimes don’t pay much attention to it. Your blood pressure drops and anxiety goes away.

The best way to see flow at play is to watch the film ‘Walk’ about a tightrope artist who has to go through many different stages. Well worth a watch if you haven’t.

So why am I taking the time to talk about emotions? Well its just as important to a friendship as it is to a marriage, business partner or any other person you communicate with. Know that no matter what the biggest problem you will ever come across is interacting with other people. They talk back and can make our emotions run wild. If you’re with someone you love you’ll understand how great it can feel to be around them. And how upset we can get when we miss them. Same with friendships to a degree.

When we think about emotions we often think of it as ‘oh my god feelings, thats not for me’. But whether you like it or not, our feelings do have impact on us so its important to recognise them and deal with them. Girls are better at doing this, they open up easily and aren’t afraid to discuss their feelings. Boys on the other hand, not so much. We aren’t allowed to cry, we aren’t supposed to show our emotions. Yet its so important that you do get involved and understand what your emotions are telling you. If you’re upset about something then its important to recognise it and find out what the problem is then you can do something about it. Often we forget this and instead we just carry on.

If you are like me, you probably go through a phase called analysis paralysis. This is where you’re so caught up in emotion you think you should think it over logically but its painful so you end up going round in circles. I have a solution to this.

With the logical brain we can usually figure out the pros and the cons of a particular situation with enough factual information and updates about what is going on around us. With the emotional brain we have to do similar things but in a different way.

Picture a See Saw. If emotions swing one way, often called ‘flooding’ its setting you up to do something about it. Often we think the emotion fuels something and we need to seek solace in that emotion. So for example - if we are angry we ‘think’ we should be angry. The emotion is anger but the emotional mind is really clever. It sets us up with anger so on the see saw anger is on the other end of the swing. But what needs to be on the other one? Well if you’re angry about a particular situation because its not gone right or the way you would want it. It gives you the rush you need to find out more about it. If you worry about something, so we put anxiety on our see saw it gives us the power to push us forward.

Notice whats happening. These emotions are the fuel to make something happen, but many people, including me don’t understand it. Instead we picture being angry or anxious, don't understand about the see saw effect about why its there and wind up getting angrier or more worried about a situation. The more the fuel is added to the fire the more uncontrollable the emotions can get it. Remember to check yourself when you find this happening with yourself. People can often be completely fine then something sparks off, the emotional mind hijacks the rational mind then they end up doing things for the wrong reason.

When I came on the server you’d notice I give everyone a sign of love, affection. That was to show that I was here to help the people and that I cared. Thats the real reason I displayed it. It angered some because they thought I was doing it for attention. Notice how they have different emotions. Lets work this out. I have a strong feeling of love that gives me the ability to be completely understanding to people. Almost like the fuel to let me do what I need to. Someone else gets angry. Thats signals to them that they need to talk with me over something thats bothering them. Amazingly not many people who were angry with me did. What happened? Their anger got worse and got more out of control. Simple rules apply here.  There’s people who feel upset. Whats the solution here, if you think about the seesaw picture again they need to take action on whats upsetting them. They feel bad but they can’t think that sadness is actually a fuel to do something different. When people are happy there’s other emotions at play. Happy people are great to be around, but what inspires people to be happy is when all these emotions are all in check. Then its awesome.

Notice we are all human and we all have needs. When these needs aren't met they’ll make you moody. If you’ve not slept for days you’ll be easily frustrated and angry with people. Again its a need to talk to people and tell them about your situation so they can be more understanding towards whats going on with you. It all follows a similar pattern.

So here’s some take aways for you. Think about the friendships you have right now where there’s some discomfort. Think about what’s going on with the rational mind and the emotional mind. If its high emotion, like in the case of emotional hijacking, take some time out from the situation so allow yourself to recover. It takes a lot of energy to be high on emotions. Often when you get your feelings all sorted you need to take a nap because you can be that exhausted from all the additional effort that you don’t realise it. This is why you have probably heard that Anger is a draining emotion. It makes you weak in certain areas. Love is very strong however thats the emotion I give out.

As I grew up I didn't realise that emotions and empathy would play such a delicate part in our relationships. Now I realise more than ever that its all these balances that makes us who we are and how we deal with our emotions can make or break us. It also sets us apart from other people. The more people who are emotionally intelligent and can sort out things, the more balanced they are. The more people want to be around them. The more emotionally unstable the opposite, like the see saw is true. no one wants to be along with someone who is moody all the time. You’ve seen this yourself.

So Argo, please take on board what I’ve said about our friendships and our emotions. Everyday we take part in things and we learn. Its important that we learn the right things. Hopefully my message will inspire you to take action on whatever is troubling you.

In closing I’ll mention that since my visit to the states, I’ve been having to put myself in check about where I’m going as I’m taking on different opportunities and sometimes I lose myself as I’m outside of my comfort zone. But as we learn and grow we become the people who we were meant to be. Be strong Argo. You’re more powerful than you know.

<3 Dell.

[Axison]

Thanks for writing, however I never understood the point of writing a 5 page essay... Don't misunderstand my question, I dearly love your input but really, what's the point? Why don't you spend your time doing something productive for yourself?

[DellStorm]

Its self rewarding Axison. I write it for the people for Argonath as though I were writing it for someone who needs it and it makes me recall the facts I've learned for myself. It also gives me feedback like this for reinforcement. <3

[Lionel Valdes]

Interesting read; thanks man.

[Hevar.]

Can someone explain short what he said? Too lazy to read all that haha

[Julio.]

Put it in a speech, sell it, give seminars and make a fortune.

He's writing about the importance of friendship. The values and emotions surrounding it. How you can say yes to more things, more opportunities, meet new people and expand your horizons.

Interesting read for those of us who can stay focused enough to actually read it. Thanks for the contribution. It's interesting what you say about meeting new friends (even those you thought would not come to fruition). I think in our own heads, we have a vision of who we are and what we're doing. If you're unsure then you haven't found yourself yet. You naturally take on some characteristics of people around you due to empathy, for example, I'm from the UK but work with a lot of people from India, I often move my head a little when I'm talking, as they tend to do. This doesn't mean it's you, for example, I'm not sure of myself, but that's okay because provided I keep an open mind and meet new people, I will!

Place value on your connections and friendships, that's essentially all you get in life, we're repeatedly told that spending time online (indeed, like on Argonath) is the worst thing ever... but no, don't make it the be all and end all, but the friendships here are real. I'd say the majority of us have reached out at some point, to someone else on here to make the connection more concrete. (even adding them to your facebook, skype). The world is much more open now so even if I were to add Hevar as a friend on Facebook, it wouldn't matter if we didn't speak... if 5 years went by and I visited his country then who knows, the connection could open up again.

As a software developer (as an example), Argonath for me is an absolute goldmine of information. The distance between people in this respect makes no difference. The connections we make here could be invaluable in the future, make them count!