Funny jokes and Stories

[Altair_Carter]

Greetings!

I decided to start this topic for everyone to post some funny jokes and stories, you found over Internet! And please, Let them really be FUNNY.

"Once apon a time, a bear walked through the forest
 Suddenly, he saw a car, which was burning on flames
 He approached to the car, sat in it and burned dead"

[James_Alterlis]

"Once apon a time, a bear walked through the forest
 Suddenly, he saw a car, which was burning on flames
 He approached to the car, sat in it and burned dead"

I don't get it?  :poke:

IRL story:

I entered backdoor instead of bathroom, and about to pee there :S
The backdoor is beside bathroom (I live in Condominium)

[tiderman]

"Once apon a time, a bear walked through the forest
 Suddenly, he saw a car, which was burning on flames
 He approached to the car, sat in it and burned dead"

hahaha, that's my type of humour! Made my day

[SargentJosh]

Theres a daddy tomato, a mummy tomato and a baby tomato.
The baby tomato falls behind while walking across the kitchen bentch,
The daddy one turnss around steps on it and says catch up.





How do you fit 5 charazards, 2 blastoises and a pikachu into a small bus?


You Pok'emon...........

[rJCaiG]

Funny pick up lines for guys to say to girls:
Why don't you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Was your dad a baker? Cuz you got nice buns
Was your dad a thief? Cuz you just stole my heart


I got some good laughs today saying that to some chicks haha

[Chuck_Norris]

Theres a daddy tomato, a mummy tomato and a baby tomato.
The baby tomato falls behind while walking across the kitchen bentch,
The daddy one turnss around steps on it and says catch up.





How do you fit 5 charazards, 2 blastoises and a pikachu into a small bus?


You Pok'emon...........

How dare you joking about pokemons. Don't you know they will rule our earth in the next 1000 years?

You should be a shamed ...

[JDC]

Im actually a Pokemon nut and expert battler

Anyways, lets just spam this topic with all sorts of funny jokes.


3 Girls are going out for Prom Night, and they go to their dad before leaving

Girl1: I'm going out with Pete to eat
Dad: ok
**Girl1 leaves
Girl2: I'm going out with Lance to dance
Dad: ok
**Girl2 leaves
Girl3: And I'm going out with Chuck to-
Dad: NO! You stay here!

-----

2 people having sex in a Hotel

Girl: Honey, am I really the only girl you brought here?
Guy: Yes, babe... why'd you ask?
Girl: The hotel staff say you always come here
Guy: Oh, that, you're the only one who's a girl.

-----

3 Guys and a Genie 1

There are 3 guys on an island, survivors of a plane crash. They find a bottle and release a genie inside it, who grants them 3 wishes

Guy1: I wish I was eating dinner at home!

BANG, the next thing he knows is that he's eating dinner with his family.

1 WISH LEFT

Guy2: I wish I was in disneyland!

BANG, the next thing he knows is that he's outside the gate of Disneyland.

1 WISH LEFT

Guy3: I'm lonely, can you bring them back here?

BANG

0 WISHES LEFT

-----

Husband: Wife, why do you wear a bra? Your **** are so small.
Wife: And why are you wearing brief?

PWNED!

-----

3 Guys and a Genie 2

3 guys are wandering in the desert, and they come across 3 lakes with a shrine in the middle. The 3 guys enter the shrine, and encounter a genie.

Genie: Each of the three of you can turn those lakes into whatever you want, but only once! Just step in the lakes and shout what you want them to be!

Guy1: ...Vodka!

BANG, the first lake became vodka

Guy2: Beer!

BANG, the second lake become beer

The third guy just wanted his lake to stay as water, but while he was going into the lake, he tripped on a banana peel.

Guy3: Oh shit!

BANG- *shploit*

-----

A rich woman calls her driver to her room.

"Jenkins, take off my bra", she says in a low voice
**Jenkins takes off her bra

Woman: Jenkins, take off my panty.
**Jenkins takes off her panty

Woman: And take off my stockings.
**Jenkins takes off her stockings

Woman: Jenkins, if I catch you wearing my underwear again, you're fired.

[Miami]

2 people having sex in a Hotel

Girl: Honey, am I really the only girl you brought here?
Guy: Yes, babe... why'd you ask?
Girl: The hotel staff say you always come here
Guy: Oh, that, you're the only one who's a girl.

Hmmmmm, 

[Altair_Carter]

A nice afternoon, good weather, sun shining, no clouds, absolutely blue sky.
Suddenly, someone slipped from the balcony and fell off it, falling to death. But suddenly, with wonder, he grabbed some pole and didn't died.
Sadly, that wonder hurt alot during the next week...

[Voodoo]

ROFL JDC at the Hotel one!

[Oliver]

Cracks me up every time.

[James_Alterlis]

<Text>
3 Guys and a Genie 1

There are 3 guys on an island, survivors of a plane crash. They find a bottle and release a genie inside it, who grants them 3 wishes

Guy1: I wish I was eating dinner at home!

BANG, the next thing he knows is that he's eating dinner with his family.

1 WISH LEFT

Guy2: I wish I was in disneyland!

BANG, the next thing he knows is that he's outside the gate of Disneyland.

1 WISH LEFT

Guy3: I'm lonely, can you bring them back here?

BANG

0 WISHES LEFT
<Text>

That's Thai's jokes 

Where you get that jokes from? I'm gonna flame that person! 

 :ps: Nice jokes 

[Boxy]

A Mama cow is talking to her kids.

Kid 1:  Mom, why did you name me daisy?
Mom:   Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head.

Kid 2:  Mom, why did you name me rose?
Mom:  Because when you were born a rose landed on your head.

Kid 3:  (retarded voice)Nubublagflabasdat
Mom:   Shut up, cinder block!

[Marting_Riggs]

A Mama cow is talking to her kids.

Kid 1:  Mom, why did you name me daisy?
Mom:   Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head.

Kid 2:  Mom, why did you name me rose?
Mom:  Because when you were born a rose landed on your head.

Kid 3:  (retarded voice)Nubublagflabasdat
Mom:   Shut up, cinder block!

ok this guy comes from russia (not making fun of no 1)

he goes to a corner store and asked for a pack of gum but because of his aceint he said BUM

he buys the gum and leaves

the russian man walked down a few blocks
 
the russian man goes into a hardware store and askes for a bucket but coz of the aceint he said FUCKIT he buys the bucket and leaves

the man walks down the street and enters a pet store and wanted to buy a cockaspainyel (idk how to spell that dogs name) he buys the dog and leaves the room

the man leaves the pet store and his dog ran away

so he said

sir, can you hold my bum(gum) and fuckit(bucket) while i catch me cock and spankit
 

my bro told me this joke

[Collin]

Funny pick up lines for guys to say to girls:
Why don't you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?

i dont get it?