Jokes with/about Chuck Norris (the real one :D)

[Catzu]

Post here thw funniest jokes with Chuck Norris.

Examples :1.Chuck Norris is the only guy who can drop the knife at Counter-Strike.
2.Chuck Norris doesnt sleep,he's waiting.
3.God created the world in 6 days,Chuck Norris gave him only 5.
.
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[BarbarSforza]

Chuck Norris won world war 3 so fast, that noone actually saw it happening

Chuck invented girrafe by hitting horse's head from down.

Bil Gates cannot sleep at nights, because he's scared that Chuck's Windows will freeze

Chuck can delete Recycle Bin
 
Chuck killed 2 stones with one bird.

Chuck said "no" to be acting Frodo in LOTR, because "only idiot needs 3 films to destroy a ring".

Only time when Chuck was wrong, was when he thought he was wrong.

too lazy to type more.

[rJCaiG]

moved to Forum Games

[tiderman]

chuck norris was phone

[Jack Bauer]

When Chuck Norris takes a show. he doesnt get wet, the water gets ChuckNorris

[Drastic]

Why god was named god? Because Chuck Norris was taken 

[Catzu]

Why god was named god? Because Chuck Norris was taken 

Good one,i rofled so much

[newton]

The Stig Is Chuck Norris In Disguise

[MisterSjeiks]

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.


Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.

Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.


Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.

For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.


The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends".
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Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
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Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit.
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On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.


A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.



Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

[Todor]

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
There

[Clone]

Chuck Norris actually died 2 years ago, but the Grim reaper is afraid to tell him.

[Spikmun]

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

Chuck norris dosnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is

Chuck Norris ordered a big mac at burger king and got one

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun

And my 2 favourites

People check there closet for the boogeyman before they go to bed, The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris before he goes to bed

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas

[MyleS]

When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

[TheGreasyChopper]

It looks like chicken, smells like chicken, sounds like chicken and tastes like chicken but it is Beef becaus Chuck Norris said so.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Once while having sex in a carpark some of Chuck Norris' sperm got in a truck, we now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris  can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity, Twice.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.
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The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.


Some Argonath Chuck Norris facts 

Chuck Norris can recive cash from a taxday.
Chuck Norris can drive eaven worse than twenty.
Chuck Norris doesnt pay 1k to get heroin delivered, Heroin pays 1k to get delivered to him.
Chuck Norris can win a CDD (Counter DD, first to blow up wins) with a rhino.
Chuck Norris can go to Carcer city, IN SA MP.
Chuck Norris can banevade without being banned.
Chuck Norris doesnt go to Mordor, Mordor goes to him.

[Drix]

If you try to ban chuck norris, he'll punch you threw the screen.  :conf: