* It is I, Three Dog, your friendly neighborhood disc jockey! What's a disc? Hell if I know, but I'm gonna keep talking anyway."
--Announcing himself on GNR broadcast
* "Hey nifty America, it's me, your president, John Hen- [degenerates into laughter] Gotcha! Three Dawg here! How's everyone doin'?!"
--While mocking President Eden's signature sign-on.
* "People of the Capital Wasteland, it is I, Three Dog, your ruler! Hear me and obey!... Oh, sorry. That's that OTHER radio station…"
--Mocking Enclave Radio
* "Cause one dog ain't enough and two is too low, it’s me Three Dog!"
--Announcing himself on GNR broadcast.
* "What rhymes with shoes, and often gives you the blues? That's right, it's time for the cashews... Okay, that doesn't really rhyme... How about news?"
--Announcing himself in Broken Steel.
* "Never forget the importance of periodic weapon maintenance; rifle, pistol, police baton, I don't care which. If your weapon is falling apart, the only wasteland asshole it's gonna kill is YOU. So be smart. Salvage those parts and make repairs whenever you can."
--While discussing weapon maintenance over GNR Broadcast.
* "And now, a super-important public service announcement: don't feed the Yao Guai! That is all."
--One of Three Dog's many helpful PSAs. Likely a reference to "Don't feed the bears" PSAs.
* "And by the way, you look like a total freakshow in that mask. Sorry, but someone had to say it."
--Addressed to the player after obtaining the Ghoul Mask.
* "Whatever you have, they want, and they're NOT really into asking politely. Word is, these guys take all the contracts the other mercs won't! In short, there's nothing they won't do."
--While discussing the Talon Company Mercs
* "And for God's sake, don't go waving the white flag! They'll just strangle you with it."
--While discussing the brutality of Raiders
* "You look like someone with about a million questions, lay it on me."
--To the Lone Wanderer
* "Watch those Geiger Counters, kids! Tick-tick-tickity means "run your ass out of there!" And then pop some Rad Away for good measure. If you do need to head into the heat, be smart. Give yourself a nice boost of Rad-X first!"
--PSA regarding radiation
* "With the right precautions, you CAN prevent accidental death or even... ewww... ghoulification."
--PSA regarding the effects of radiation
* "Sure, they may look like hideous zombies from an old monster flick, but their hearts, their souls, their tears are all very much human. So if you see one of the Capitol Wasteland's many ghouls, leave your prejudice at the door and your pistol in its holster. Ah, yes, one important caveat, kiddies... those feral ghouls who prefer the dark, damp underground? They basically are mindless zombies, so kill as many of 'em as you damn well please."
--PSA regarding the difference between Feral Ghouls and regular Ghouls.
* "Only you can prevent human flesh fires."
--Talking about radiation safety. A reference to "Only you can prevent wild fires.", Smokey the Bear's slogan.
* "What's the deal, 101? You killin' for kicks or is this a paying gig?"
--Addressed to the player after completing the You Gotta Shoot 'Em in the Head quest and killing some of the targets.
* "Today's weather, excessively violent, with a chance of dismemberment. Tune in later for our Five-Day Forecast!"
--Weather forecast predicting life in the Wasteland.
* "What the hell is going on down there? Revolution? Vacation? Somebody fart? Your guess is as good as mine."
* "HOHOOO, BOY!!! Children, you are going to loooove this! OK, so I told you about James, the guy from the Vault. And then I told you about somebody else crawled out of it too. Right... Wwwwell, guess who came to visit ol' Three Dog and his luxurious studio in beautiful downtown DC! That's right, the other Vault Dweller! Now... you wanna know if it gets better, don't you? Well HELL YES, it gets better! Turns out Vault Dweller #2 was none other that James' KID! I know, I know, I couldn't make this shit up! OK, but... now it gets kinda sad. You see, the kid is looking for his/her father. Looking for James. See, James left the Vault without telling the kid why. So James, if you're listenin': your kid's out, man! So you might wanna find him/her before he/she gets swallowed up and spit out."
* When these psychos come to play, they have one thing in their minds: making your life as fucking miserable as humanly possible. Raiders can't be bargained or reasoned with! So run, hide, or... fight if you got the balls and the guns, BUT FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T GO WAVIN' THE WHITE FLAG!!! They'll just strangle you with it.
* Until next time, this is Three Dog! AOOOO! And you're listening to Galaxy News Radio! We're Radio Free Wasteland, and we're here... for you! Bringing you the truth, no matter how bad it hurts. And now, some music.
* According to reports from the ever-so-hoity-toity Tenpenny Tower, a group of displaced ghouls have been trying to gain entrance. Ah, but lush-at-large Alistair Tenpenny says: "No zombies, no how!" Come on Al, cut the ghoulies a break! If they got the caps and you got the space, it's a win-win, right? What do you say?
* What rhymes with shoes and gives you the blues? That's right, cashews...
* The Lone Wanderer -a.k.a. the kid from Vault 101- has recently undertaken a dangerous quest to recover -drumroll, please- a VIOLIN! Now this is where the story gets a little fuzzy, true Capital Wasteland-style. Agatha, we love you. Keep playing, sister! And 101... you helped make the Capital Wasteland a better place - hat's off, my friend!"
* Tinfoil hat time, children! My eyes and ears tell me that the big, bad government had taken over that big machine-thingy at the Jefferson Memorial. You heard it here first, my friends: the Enclave is on the move! I've got reports of flying ships and shock troops in high-tech power armor. And, when the men showed up, a bunch of scientists went running. With them was Rivet City's own dr. Madison Li... and that crazy kid from Vault 101. They are safe and sound now at the Citadel... PRAISE JESUS, PRAISE JESUS!!! No sign of the kid's father though... Here's hoping that James is OK. Well boys and girls, what can I say? Looks like President Eden wasn't completely full of shit after all. Methinks... we are screwed.
* Children, I don't care if you've ignored EVERY OTHER WORD that has come out of my mouth IN THE PAST FIVE YEARS, please, hear me now and believe: the Enclave -and that includes their homecoming king, "President John Henry Eden" and his gorilla, Colonel Augustus Autumn- are NOT here to help you! Wake up, children - the Enclave has a giant truck full of brahmin and they've been spoonfeeding you the bullshit! These guys are schemers, crooks and killers! And the sooner you all realize that and stand up to their oppression, the better! And THAT, my friends, is fighting the Good Fight!
* Hey kiddies, boys and girls, prepare to be astounded, bedazzled and otherwise, stupefied! I'm Three Dog, your master of ceremonies!
* Unemployment's down, stocks are up and the UN just declared global peace forever! Now, the real news...huh...
* Yikes, looks like the Lone Wanderer has wandered himself/herself right into the Enclave's sinister clutches! My deep-cover, super-secret agents tell me a Vertibird recently flew out of the mountains to the west - and the Vault kid was an unwilling passenger. I mean, how willing can you be when you are encased in a block of ice?
* It seems the Brotherhood of Steel has taken the fight to the Enclave's turf and blew up their base, so if you see one of these black devil stormtroopers out in the Wasteland, have pity. They are homeless!
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