Funny jokes and Stories

[Freedom]

When i was younger, i tought that Madonna comes from Latvia, city called Madona. I was sooo proud about that. but when i found out she's not...

... what??


A man buys a can of fish or something.. Anything in a can. Then he asks: How to open it?
He gets an answer: The instructions are inside. :P


A bear finds 5 cents. He then goes and sees the rabbit to ask if its big money. The rabbit says yes yes, its very big money. the bear then goes shopping, fills his shopping cart with all kinds of goods and goes to the counter table, puts all the goods onto it and then gives the seller his 5 cents. the seller then makes big eyes and the bear asks: What? too big money to change?


sorry for my english grammar xd

[JDC]

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.

Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November 10, 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

This made me laugh my guts out

[Altair_Carter]

(Convo between two guys) (Not mine, taken from Bash.org)

111:Damn, you know who can be a REAL Friend...?
222:?
111: He's not a guy who always come and drink a bottle of beer after heavy day
111: A real friend - the one, who not only will support you, when you're sad, but he'll also be really happy when you are.
111: The real friend - he's always close, even when he's far away
111:  Real Friend - a man, for who wont be a pity to give a life for
111: Yeah, that's what the real friend is....
222: =)))
111: And you are an asshole, John...

[RastaKing]

(Convo between two guys) (Not mine, taken from Bash.org)

111:Damn, you know who can be a REAL Friend...?
222:?
111: He's not a guy who always come and drink a bottle of beer after heavy day
111: A real friend - the one, who not only will support you, when you're sad, but he'll also be really happy when you are.
111: The real friend - he's always close, even when he's far away
111:  Real Friend - a man, for who wont be a pity to give a life for
111: Yeah, that's what the real friend is....
222: =)))
111: And you are an asshole, John...

LMFAO !! 

[Spikmun]

A Woman goes to a Psychologist -

Woman: Ive done a terrible sin, ive called a man a bastard.
Psychologist: Wow, why would you do such a thing ?
Woman: Well, He came up to me and started to kiss me.
Psychologist: Like this ? *Kisses her*
Woman: Yes, But then he started to undress me.
Psychologist: Like this ? *Undresses her*
Woman: Yes, Then he made love to me.
Psychologist: Like this ? *Has sex with her*
Woman: Yes, Then he told me he had Aids.
Psychologist: THAT BASTARD!

[Freedom]

A cat always falls to its feet, right? and a sandwich always falls the butter side  down, right?
What if we stick a sandwich onto a cat's back and then drop it?

[TruthSvensson]

A cat always falls to its feet, right? and a sandwich always falls the butter side  down, right?
What if we stick a sandwich onto a cat's back and then drop it?

[Freedom]

lol I wasn't aware of this lol xd

[Oliver]

A Woman goes to a Psychologist -

Woman: Ive done a terrible sin, ive called a man a bastard.
Psychologist: Wow, why would you do such a thing ?
Woman: Well, He came up to me and started to kiss me.
Psychologist: Like this ? *Kisses her*
Woman: Yes, But then he started to undress me.
Psychologist: Like this ? *Undresses her*
Woman: Yes, Then he made love to me.
Psychologist: Like this ? *Has sex with her*
Woman: Yes, Then he told me he had Aids.
Psychologist: THAT BASTARD!

LOL

[BarbarSforza]

A translation from latvian.
During lesson funny guy John f**kme annoys teacher.
Suddenly teacher goes angry and screams : f**kme near blackboard!!!

[Voodoo]

Been stuck with this bloody crossword all day: ''Famous Jewish Baker'', 5 and 6 letters. Got it in the end - Adolf Hitler.

[Oliver]

Been stuck with this bloody crossword all day: ''Famous Jewish Baker'', 5 and 6 letters. Got it in the end - Adolf Hitler.

OH MY GOD LOL

[JDC]

Been stuck with this bloody crossword all day: ''Famous Jewish Baker'', 5 and 6 letters. Got it in the end - Adolf Hitler.

O_o

[BarbarSforza]

Has anyone ever noticed that “studying” - is “student” and “dying” put together?

[Jubin]

maybe it's stud and dying?