Hey there everyone, most of you all may not remember me, some of you will. The 'some' of you who remember me, also remembered my attitude, the things I've said, the things I've done over the years I've been here with you. None of them too good.... actually most of them horrible.
Stupid things like going to other servers, and coming back trying to bring other things into Argonath, such as stupid (( OOC )) and IC chats, things like constantly trying to undermine everyone else and do as I please because I thought it was correct, abusing admin powers when I had them, and various amounts of other things that would take me an hour or so to type out.
The last time I was here, something happened and Ron and I got into it and I was on my high horse that I swore I wasn't on and I said horrible things to him and Gandalf. Feel more than free to look at my recent posts back a few pages and see what I said. I'm not ashamed, but embarrassed and guilty for doing those things. I was in the wrong the complete time. I do still feel very bad about it, but it was 2 years ago, people change with time... though people never forget when something happens that affects them on a personal level, and what I did, leaving, etc - Definitely affected me on more than a personal level. I left, rather, ran off with my tail between my legs.. laughing because I told myself "I beat them." Well, I'm here to say I definitely didn't beat anyone, or do anything to somehow 'harm' anyone as I thought I did with my arrogant way of thoughts. Far from it.
Well 2 years later, life is changed alot. I moved out of my parents house by myself, moved 1500 miles away with a 'friend' that I met through the internet that I thought I knew for 3 years, and grew up. I was a late bloomer, if you will. Now 1 year after moving away from home, I currently have a very nice apartment that I got by myself, I have a stable relationship with my girlfriend of 11 months, a solid car, and a job, oh and not to mention I was extremely close to dying 7 months ago. My life has changed completely since then, black and white comparison.
So anyways, one day about 2 and a half weeks ago or so, I remember I had SAMP installed on my girlfriend's laptop, and I thought "Whoa! Hey I remember Argonath, damn I wonder if it's still around." and went and looked. As I loaded up the forums, waiting for it to go through on this stolen nets I have to use, I was remembering all of the great times and oppourtunities I was offered and did. All the great people I met, all the amazing times I spent together with you all when I never had any 'friends' in real life to hang out - YOU ALL were my friends, THE people I wanted to hang out with.. even if you all were 1000's of miles away, still close to you all in my hear. Anyways, I loaded the forums up, got the IP for the server and went on.. immediately being extremely happy and yelling at my girlfriend to tell her what I found again, telling her about the server and all the cool stuff everyone did.. ofcourse she thought it was dumb....
but whatever, and I started having some good fun again apart from when I'm not working or with my girlfriend. Great fun actually.
Those of you who have seen me on the server and remembered my past probably couldn't wait to see if I'd go back to my old ways quick, but I didn't. I'm not that person anymore at all and I'm glad my life has gone the way it was. Things happen for a reason. There was absolutely no way in hell I'd get where I am right now in life being the way I was when I was 16 & 17.
I'd just like to apologize sincerely for all of the horrible fights I've had with anyone, all the dumb immature things I've said to people over the years, and even more sorry to Aragorn and Gandalf, the ones who let me have all kinds of oppourtunities including leading the CS:S server on Paruni when it first opened up, and being an admin on MTAVC and SAMP. I really am and I get the biggest knot in my stomach when I look back at my old post because it bothers me that much that I would've even said those things at all to anyone.
I told gandalf back in PM that I didn't think this was neccesary, and that's why he banned me.... well, it was neccesary and needed to be done. I'm not mad or aggravated about it, because I'd do the same if I were them. Who would want an arrogant, disrespectful pile of shit in their community? I wouldn't.
I just wanted to post this because I truely feel that I owe each and every one of you an apology, not just Gandalf and Aragorn. Everybody who had to deal with me, whether it was for 1 minute or 4 years. All I would love to do again is just come back again on the server and have fun again like I was. I don't want any sympathy or looking for attention, I'm doing this because I need to. Because I wronged this community more times than one.
I've never wished anything wrong against this community, or made some 'fake' argonath channels anywhere ever. When I was last here and Ron and I got into it, I left for good. Never did any black painting or attacks.. hell I still don't know how to do those, nor care to learn.
Again I'm infinitely sorry for the things I've done in the past, and I want to just forget and never look back on those things. I would love nothing more than to just be able to come on the server and have fun again. I've been helping people when I can, providing a fun experience for whoever I play with, and being a good, fun person to be around.
Thanks for reading,
Hayden
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