[Unbanned]Unban request - Robd

[wisdumb]

In-game name: [WSt]Robd
Admin who banned me: [VU]aPPle ([VU]aXXo)
Reason for ban: Flamming admin(s)
Why I should be unbanned: Honestly there isn't much I can say as to that other then that I have come to understand some deeper feelings of mine that I feel can keep this from happening again. The most I can say other then that, is that I am sorry.

[Klaus]

Why I should be unbanned: Honestly there isn't much I can say as to that other then that I have come to understand some deeper feelings of mine that I feel can keep this from happening again. The most I can say other then that, is that I am sorry.

I seem to remember presuming you'd be back asking for an unban, after you had gone out and created a topic saying how the admin that banned you is the worst admin; how familiar..

What happened to all the silly acting writing topics spreading shit about me and other admins? I find it hard to believe you have truly changed after everything you've said and done. Are you saying you are taking everything you said back? Lets just have a look at this topic, where you thought you'd be all cool posting some last words before 'apparently' leaving forever.

I was asked to be banned because I don't want to be here anymore.

Klaus has ruined this game for me.

I will not even attempt to come back as long as klaus is head admin.

there is little more the be said that doesn't express my hate for klaus.

The last thing I will say is that I think Klaus is a bad admin.

Your going to need to a lot more than

I am sorry.

to be unbanned.

[wisdumb]

I'm not taking anything back, im only saying that I was irrational and un-diplomatic about the whole event. I've come to some new understanding of how thesse things work... It's hard to say much more really.

I've seriously thought this over and your the best admin here.
Whenever I didn't understand the rules you did, whenever someone needed help you were there. On paper your a bad admin, but with this understand I see why things happen the way they do. I honestly hope to learn from you and to become wise in some of the matters which you are and I am not in.

The things I said were biased opinnions of a person who had done things to me which I didn't like and had no respect for.
I had no respect for the system of the game because I found holes in it. But in true reality all things are faulty, the government of every civilization since man began has had some fault in it. As opposed to accepting new ideas and understanding I don't have all the facts I tried to force my idea of a better server down the throats of everyone here. I've been far too emotional in a logical pursuit of perfection in an unltimatly un-important game.

If I wasn't trying to be honest I would just change by subnet and IP, make a new name and just start over...
I want everyone to know from the few people whos chat I spammed and up to you yourself for my actions that day and for several weeks preceeding that.

If you accept my sincere apology then I hope that I may come back on the server, other wise I may need time to revise my thoughts.

I cannot recall every detail and apologise information but what I can do is bring forth wat thoughts I can.

To everyone I am sorry
I can't say that my opinions have changed, but I can say that I no longer wish for the miscommings of Klaus

**Edit**Just wanted to ask for any input on these conecpts and ideas so that I may be able to make myself prepared to return.
I understand what I did was wrong and why Klaus is sometimes the smarter person. I have no reason to lie, if I didn't feel this way I would continue to make a point... the final truth is that the point I had already developed was wrong.

If there is anything I can do to show my sincerity in this apology.

**edit** I'm still interested and this isn't as much of a rush as it is a request...
If there's anything i can say/do to clarify and/or earn your trust please let me know

**EDIT** I would really appreciate a reply just to tell me what your thinking, even if I can't be unbanned I want everyone, mostly Klaus to know that I am sorry.
If there's anything I can do to be forgiven, even if that doesn't involve an unban, I feel really bad, I just want to know that you can forgive me, I miss my friends, I even miss Klaus, I should have seen how I would feel.
My mind was crowded with rage, i was not at all fair to klaus. I was not fair to this server, to my friends, or to anyone who had to tolerate the spam. I want nothing more then for everyone to remember my honesty and accept my apoplogy, i you can't unban me because I messed up too many times before, please accept my apology, every day i honestly feel worse, every time I go on another server I miss my friends Please let me see them, let me come in, don't make me do something stupidd like ban evading, just let me clear my conscious and hopefully one day return. I've been basicaly an ass, I've been justifying my rage aainst ever problem in the server against admins. I blame rule breakers on inactiviity, I blame boredom on everyone leaving because of someone who only did his job. I blamed everything on someone. Some things weren't my fault but most were, and with all things, the onesthat weren't and the ones that were my fault i blamed someone. I insisted everything could e erfcet if they were different.

Please forgive me, I have no reason to lie, if I honestly felt the way I used to I would never admit my faults, let me actualy see my friends, let me loose my shame annd not worrty anymore, I love the people here more then the server, and i blamed everything on those very people, I cannot tihink of anyway to be more hoest, I was wrong, I was stupid, I was unfair, I was just an asshole

**EDIT** just wanted to say my feelings haven't changed much, i still miss everyone and I'm still sorry

[Klaus]

On paper your a bad admin

Excuse me?

The things I said were biased opinnions of a person who had done things to me which I didn't like and had no respect for.

You took faulty opinions from a person that *did things* that you didn't like and had no respect for? Your bringing someone else into this now. Either name them and explain, or you leave them out of it completely.

I would really appreciate a reply just to tell me what your thinking

Rob. I'm sure you know that what you did was much more than what an average player does when enraged. I'm pretty much sure that you are well aware that you dug yourself a very deep hole doing what you did. It seems you grew more and more hate towards me and when aXXo banned you, you felt you'd carry on elsewhere. I remember you being very chuffed with yourself stating that you know many players stationed at some place-no-one-cares-about sharing your opinions. You was very focused on trying to make me look like the bad guy. You even posted a topic on the VCMP forum stating false propaganda. Luckily I have my connections and had it cleared before it did mislead people. Now I'm just reading this request, and all I'm seeing is:

I'm not taking anything back.

I can't say that my opinions have changed

I would just change by subnet and IP, make a new name and just start over...

You do not regret the things you said and done and you won't take them back. You still hold the same opinions on myself, other certain admins and players, and the server itself; those opinions being the reason you were banned. Then you go on about how you will change your IP and evade your ban. I don't think I have to explain how this is drifting towards a denial.

[wisdumb]

Klaus, I'm sorry, I screwed up. I can't make it any clearer. You were doing what you were supposed to. I saw the people you banned and I didn't like it. I heard people talking about you and I started to agree. And your right it became an unhealthy hate.

What I meant by your a bad admin on paper, was just that someone like me who just looks at you thinks you must be bad. Getting to know you and thinking about it made me understand that you are a good admin. I came in here knowing you might(probably would) deny me.

When I got mad, I started justifying everything I did with ethics. I thought you were a bad person, you as an admin did things I didn't agree with, but thats just what you have to do. I don't have any right to tell you your wrong when I don't even know the details. I should have felt like this before but I just started digging deeper and deeper into your past to honestly make you look bad. I should just understand that you are in charge, if I don't like it then that's my own bussines and I need to take it elsewhere.

I made a mistake... in my last request I said that I shouldn't have been banned. This time I'm saying that I should have, that I should have been banned when I first started this. I should have looked at what I was doing. I thought that I couldn't be wrong. Just because you weren't nice I decided you were doing something wrong. I was just wrong. I'm not justifying what I did, I'm just trying to explain why I won't do it again.

As far as me saying I would ban evade, I jus miss the server, and if it comes down to that I think I would. I don't want to do that, but I don't know if I can take not seeing my friends anymore.

Coming into this I think I haden't changed my opinions, I was thinking I would just deal with it. But I've looked at myself, I hated you for no good reason. I was wrong, I think I could change. I would take back everything if I could. I'm done juggling around my words to make myself look good. There is no reason you should unban me, what I did was wrong, what I came in here saying was wrong. What I was thinking was wrong.

My only defense is that I have canged, not when I made this topic, but when I read over my words, when you pointed out my stupidity. There is no fault in aXXo for banning me, there is no fault in you for refusing me to return.
I just want to be able to cme ing game and tel you personaly and everyone else how sorry I am. I am not pointing out the reason I should be unabnned, I am begging for forgiveness. I am just asking. I have nothing to offer. My opinions are changed. I can't possibly say enough to prove that after what I've done. I can't possibly make up for it here. I can't posibly feel good about whatI've done. I was unfair. Just let me try again. Just forgive me!! I am not asking, I am begging, I have no good reason I just want it. I have nothing better to offer then my apology. I didn't even realise until now that I've done nothing but justify myself. What I did was unjustifyable. I'm done saying I was right. I'm done saying my opinions won't change. I'm done telling everyone I hate you. Klaus, I've told so many people how sorry I am to yu. Wehn people ask m why I was banned I always include how wrong I was.

Please forgive me, if you can't or siply won't unabn me just accept my apology, that's what I want more then anything. I want an unban but forgivenes is more important to me. I am SO so, SO sorry. You said I needed more then sory for an unban, but ther is nothing more then sorry when what I did was completly wrong. Just because I fed lies to myself about how bad you were is no justification, that in itself is something I am sorry for. Please dont hold my mistakes against me, please understand my sorrow. Please give me a second chance.

**Edit**I still haven't changed my thinking... waitng for a reply
**Edt**If there's anything to do, to show that im sorry, let me know
**Edit**Just wanted to let you now that I feel like  know what I did wrong and that I really want a chance to change, Thank you for taing the time to even look at this...

[wisdumb]

I don't know if there's anything left to say... please, just please. Let me come back.
 
**edit**please, im just sorry. I miss this server and coming here is getting more and more depressing. Im not asking to be told i was right, just please.
**edit**please, dont just make me sit here, i think ive made it as obvious as i can that im sorry, this is getting more and more depressing, and im getting more and more worried

[wisdumb]

Could you at least give me something to think about, some kind of feed back, I just want to know what everyone thinks...

[wisdumb]

Not sure what to say, I just want you to understand that I'm sorry and changed... Please, just Please, reply soon.

[Klaus]

No need to keep posting. We know you want an unban, but we also know what did was seriously fucked up. I'm in no rush to forgive you for what you did and said about me. You only have yourself to blame for your silly derogatory remarks. So be thankful I'm even considering this unban request, because most people in my position would just tell you to jog on.

[wisdumb]

You act like I'm a bad person for all of this Klaus, I made a mistake, people make mistakes... With the exception of me and you I've been a fine player most of my time here. I've been honest more then anything. And I am honestly saying that I'm ready to move on. I'm honestly saying that I'm sorry. And I'm honestly saying that if I feel the need to do anything this retarted again that I will just leave. There was no need for any of this. There is no need for me to wait here any longer. Take what I have said, decide if you believe it, and just take it or leave it. I don't need this emotional roler coaster anymore then you do. Lets just save both ourselves some time and settle with a decision... I just want you as a person to believe me, I'm not even playing VCMP anymore, the only reason I'm doing this is so I can find some peace with myself, say hello to my friends occasionaly, and be done. You know just as well as I do that time will do nothing here, I have either changed or I haven't; I think I have, now it's up to you, to make your decision.

**This is the last time I will post in this topic**

[wisdumb]

I know that I don't need to keep replying, I just had a bit of a realization... I wanted everyone to see it.
    As you all know, following my ban I've been playing SAMP. I've also been playing some new servers on VCMP. Today I went on a server and they were all total assholes. The admins thought they were better then everyone else, and the regulars thought they were better then newbies. Everyone was just competting to rob each other the most.
   As I write this I'm quite near tears. This made me think about everything I said about Klaus. The thing is, that he's nothing like that. And neither are the players here. This is the friendliest server I've ever been on. All the admins are held acountable, everyone has to watch what they do/say. On SAMP nothing is like that, and even on any other VCMP servers. What I'm saying is that this is not a perfect server. But it's the best, not only in terms of the admins that I was mean to, but in all other ways. I was wrong, I assumed I knew everything.
    I was wrong for what I said, I was wrong for what I did before that. I think I've made it obvious that I've changed somehow. I really want to show that change to everyone here, but I haven't had a chance. Every day I feel worse about not being here, and every day I realise these facts more and more. Please give me a second chance. I know that you won't trust me 100%, but what damage could I really do in such a short time. Just a chance, a chance. I feel so cheesy saying these things about a game, I really do. I sometimes think that's why you don't trust me. But I am an emotional person. I want to come back and show the good side of that. And most of all, I want to earn your trust back.
   I know that I haven't posted in anything but this, I'm just heart broken. I honest to god don't like saying this, but just cut me a break. Please just give me that extra benefit of the doubt. I don't know that I would unban myself right now. But I know that I won't let you down. It takes so much every day to not change my name and start over. I honestly don't see why I don't. The only reason is that I want the trust. That I couldn't lie to my friends about who I am That I want to be honest. And that I want you to know that everything I am writing is honest. I seriosuly debate sitting here all day and just writing here That it's as close to talking as I will ever get.
     I can't do anything about this, I fell hopeless. I know that I don't deserve o cme back, that I took this for granted That Everyone else was perfectly happy, and that I always wanted more. That I started off on this server as a money cop. That I always joked in the wrong ways about being a cop. That I started off as a script abuser. I will make one admition, something that will lower my chances, but god willing will make you trust me. I did hack here for a short period It was short lived, but I am sorry. And I just want you all to know that I am sorry for that.
    I run out of words but not out of will to write, you could probably just stop reading here. I want to ramble, to say as much as I can while I fell so humbled. I want you all to let me feel heard. Even if you can just read this, and as a friend send me a friendly message.  want to hear from some of you guys outside other servers.
    And to Klaus. I don't know that I will ever like you.. I think that much is a given. I've talked to some people, and they've had similar problems. They see someone that seems really cool, and for no apparent reason just don't like them. And I honestly think that about you, that you're a cool person. That you're smart, planning, and so much more. My mind doesn't seem to want to respect you for that. BUt I want you to know that I think you desere it, and that I want to provide that respect. If I can take it from ther with you maybe we can fix all these problems I seem to have with you.
     It's sad for me, knowing that I can never be an admin here That I can never help the ways that I wanted to. I made a mistake once, and that was the first thing that ever stopped me. One of the main reasons that I got so mad at this server was because I tried so hard just to be a moderator. Putting in hours of gameplay and helping all the new players. As soon as I figured out that my ban was crippling me it broke my heart. I never forgave anyone on the server for that. I ws always mad at the admins. Thinking about how inactive they sometimes were. Pointing out every flaw. All the time thinking that I was better. Then I figured out who was in charge of it all. Naturally I formed a pretty major distrust and contempt towards him. My mind has done wierd things to this whole situation. Even now I feel partially right for hating klaus. But in my heart I know that I was wrong I just want to train mysel fout of this, and the only way that I can do that is to come back and confront soe things. I will promise you, with any and all honest ythat I have acquired during my stays here that if I even want to ell at anyone that I will just leave. I was always too stuborn, always trying to prove apoint I would never leave, but I will do that now if I need to If there's one thing I value more then my pride, it's my word. Please trust and hear me. Please forgive me Please try to understand my crazy ramblings. Please try to understand my feelings, no matter how wrong they were. Know that I acted wrongly, and that I accept that.
    I stilll can't help but feel sad about the fact that I will never be an admin here. I found the root of my problem, and it does still sadden me. I've never wanted anything more then to help the server. Just for reasons of self fulfilment, of being neded. No noble reason of being helpful. In that desire I let myself hate everyone. And in that hatred, when I found the leader of all these problem s Id ediced it was all his falt.
    I hope that everything I write at this moment counts for something Tahat it isn't just considered more rambling to get myself unabbned. I honestly feel that I want you to know this for emotional reasons. But honestly I do want this unban more then anything. There are reasons that i don't want to even try to come back, but none of those reasons are anyones fault. I simply want to do things that I no longer can.
     his helpless feeling is the worst thing in the world, I don't care if it's a damn game This wanting to do something but not being able to. Honestly wanting to moderate the server. Honestly waning to help, but being crippled for so many stupid reasons. And no matter how those stupid reasons are, it is always my fault. I made soe mistakes, but I never wanted to hurt anyone. Not at the begiining. Now I just want to try and not be such a mean person.
    I want to tr and make peace with my limits. I want to try and come back without that deadl motivation. I cannot simply let mself do this to everyone else. I am truly heart broken, I am truly sad. I feel like someone I loved just kicked me out when I got banned. I fealt even more like that when I tried to become a moderator. I never really expected it to work, but for whatever reasons, part of me needed it to. How I could ever think like that confuses even me. In a way me writing tis has been to find that. In a way this has been some poetic way, to still justify myself.  don't want to justify myself, I  do. Honestly I'm not sure if I do. I know that what I did shouldn';t be justified. But ina way I want to remain honest even after. But I don't deserve that. I lied far too much, even to myself about my problems with Klaus. In a way I didn't even know that I hated him because of my first ban.
     I remember almost everytime on this server I've been kicked, I've always been the player that wants to be perfect in  they eyes of the admins. I always wanted to impress someone Ina way I even wanted to impress Klaus by standing up for myself.
    I want to say so much more, but  can't think of many more words, please forgive me.

[Alarba]

I know that I don't need to keep replying, I just had a bit of a realization... I wanted everyone to see it.
    As you all know, following my ban I've been playing SAMP. I've also been playing some new servers on VCMP. Today I went on a server and they were all total assholes. The admins thought they were better then everyone else, and the regulars thought they were better then newbies. Everyone was just competting to rob each other the most.
   As I write this I'm quite near tears. This made me think about everything I said about Klaus. The thing is, that he's nothing like that. And neither are the players here. This is the friendliest server I've ever been on. All the admins are held acountable, everyone has to watch what they do/say. On SAMP nothing is like that, and even on any other VCMP servers. What I'm saying is that this is not a perfect server. But it's the best, not only in terms of the admins that I was mean to, but in all other ways. I was wrong, I assumed I knew everything.
    I was wrong for what I said, I was wrong for what I did before that. I think I've made it obvious that I've changed somehow. I really want to show that change to everyone here, but I haven't had a chance. Every day I feel worse about not being here, and every day I realise these facts more and more. Please give me a second chance. I know that you won't trust me 100%, but what damage could I really do in such a short time. Just a chance, a chance. I feel so cheesy saying these things about a game, I really do. I sometimes think that's why you don't trust me. But I am an emotional person. I want to come back and show the good side of that. And most of all, I want to earn your trust back.
   I know that I haven't posted in anything but this, I'm just heart broken. I honest to god don't like saying this, but just cut me a break. Please just give me that extra benefit of the doubt. I don't know that I would unban myself right now. But I know that I won't let you down. It takes so much every day to not change my name and start over. I honestly don't see why I don't. The only reason is that I want the trust. That I couldn't lie to my friends about who I am That I want to be honest. And that I want you to know that everything I am writing is honest. I seriosuly debate sitting here all day and just writing here That it's as close to talking as I will ever get.
     I can't do anything about this, I fell hopeless. I know that I don't deserve o cme back, that I took this for granted That Everyone else was perfectly happy, and that I always wanted more. That I started off on this server as a money cop. That I always joked in the wrong ways about being a cop. That I started off as a script abuser. I will make one admition, something that will lower my chances, but god willing will make you trust me. I did hack here for a short period It was short lived, but I am sorry. And I just want you all to know that I am sorry for that.
    I run out of words but not out of will to write, you could probably just stop reading here. I want to ramble, to say as much as I can while I fell so humbled. I want you all to let me feel heard. Even if you can just read this, and as a friend send me a friendly message.  want to hear from some of you guys outside other servers.
    And to Klaus. I don't know that I will ever like you.. I think that much is a given. I've talked to some people, and they've had similar problems. They see someone that seems really cool, and for no apparent reason just don't like them. And I honestly think that about you, that you're a cool person. That you're smart, planning, and so much more. My mind doesn't seem to want to respect you for that. BUt I want you to know that I think you desere it, and that I want to provide that respect. If I can take it from ther with you maybe we can fix all these problems I seem to have with you.
     It's sad for me, knowing that I can never be an admin here That I can never help the ways that I wanted to. I made a mistake once, and that was the first thing that ever stopped me. One of the main reasons that I got so mad at this server was because I tried so hard just to be a moderator. Putting in hours of gameplay and helping all the new players. As soon as I figured out that my ban was crippling me it broke my heart. I never forgave anyone on the server for that. I ws always mad at the admins. Thinking about how inactive they sometimes were. Pointing out every flaw. All the time thinking that I was better. Then I figured out who was in charge of it all. Naturally I formed a pretty major distrust and contempt towards him. My mind has done wierd things to this whole situation. Even now I feel partially right for hating klaus. But in my heart I know that I was wrong I just want to train mysel fout of this, and the only way that I can do that is to come back and confront soe things. I will promise you, with any and all honest ythat I have acquired during my stays here that if I even want to ell at anyone that I will just leave. I was always too stuborn, always trying to prove apoint I would never leave, but I will do that now if I need to If there's one thing I value more then my pride, it's my word. Please trust and hear me. Please forgive me Please try to understand my crazy ramblings. Please try to understand my feelings, no matter how wrong they were. Know that I acted wrongly, and that I accept that.
    I stilll can't help but feel sad about the fact that I will never be an admin here. I found the root of my problem, and it does still sadden me. I've never wanted anything more then to help the server. Just for reasons of self fulfilment, of being neded. No noble reason of being helpful. In that desire I let myself hate everyone. And in that hatred, when I found the leader of all these problem s Id ediced it was all his falt.
    I hope that everything I write at this moment counts for something Tahat it isn't just considered more rambling to get myself unabbned. I honestly feel that I want you to know this for emotional reasons. But honestly I do want this unban more then anything. There are reasons that i don't want to even try to come back, but none of those reasons are anyones fault. I simply want to do things that I no longer can.
     his helpless feeling is the worst thing in the world, I don't care if it's a damn game This wanting to do something but not being able to. Honestly wanting to moderate the server. Honestly waning to help, but being crippled for so many stupid reasons. And no matter how those stupid reasons are, it is always my fault. I made soe mistakes, but I never wanted to hurt anyone. Not at the begiining. Now I just want to try and not be such a mean person.
    I want to tr and make peace with my limits. I want to try and come back without that deadl motivation. I cannot simply let mself do this to everyone else. I am truly heart broken, I am truly sad. I feel like someone I loved just kicked me out when I got banned. I fealt even more like that when I tried to become a moderator. I never really expected it to work, but for whatever reasons, part of me needed it to. How I could ever think like that confuses even me. In a way me writing tis has been to find that. In a way this has been some poetic way, to still justify myself.  don't want to justify myself, I  do. Honestly I'm not sure if I do. I know that what I did shouldn';t be justified. But ina way I want to remain honest even after. But I don't deserve that. I lied far too much, even to myself about my problems with Klaus. In a way I didn't even know that I hated him because of my first ban.
     I remember almost everytime on this server I've been kicked, I've always been the player that wants to be perfect in  they eyes of the admins. I always wanted to impress someone Ina way I even wanted to impress Klaus by standing up for myself.
    I want to say so much more, but  can't think of many more words, please forgive me.

That's a big, and in some parts contraditory, statement...
I believe you should be hearing from Klaus one last time.

[Klaus]

Ok Robd. I've been giving this request some deep thought as you know and determining whether I should give you another chance after what you did. My final decision is a carefully measured one based on your posts above and your attitude lately. You left Argonath hoping for a fight, which was a mistake indeed. However I can see that over the time you've been banned your feelings towards the server has changed drastically. Although I can only hope that you have really gotten over your personal problems, with yourself and other players.

You will be allowed to play on the server again, but you still have much to prove while playing to gain full respect back from myself and the other admins. I hope you have learnt from this and won't just repeat your bad ways of the past. You know we won't take nicely to any misconduct from you as by now you should be well aware of the consequences.

Unbanned