If I were ___ I would ___

[JDC]

Basically, you fill in the blanks of the sentence "If I were ___ I would ___", then you post the next person / object for the next poster.
 

If I were Mayor Of Los Santos, I would turn City Hall into a crematorium.
 
A hacker

If I were a hacker, I would spawn 100000 dildos.
 
ARPD Chief

If I were ARPD Chief, I would renovate the ARPD Bar into a skyscraper.
 
A potato

And so on...
Keep it clean, please.
 
I'll start.
 

A rock star (the celebrity, not the clan member)

[Squeak]

If I were a rock star, I'd fuck your mother.

Captain Crunch

[LoCoMoToR]

if i were captain crunch, i would make your nuts crunchy and make my dog eat them off.

Phone.

[Squeak]

If I were a phone, then who would I be?

Sponge

[JDC]

If I were a sponge, I'd float in my bathtub.

Steve Jobs

[Squeak]

If I were Steve Jobs, I'd fucking kill myself for being a faggot.

[Roman]

If I were Steve Jobs, I'd f**king kill myself for being a bad guy.

Since you haven't posted anything below your suggestion,

If I was an Owner, I would make Roman Gvardia an admin

PhotoCamera

[JDC]

If I was a photo camera, I would take stolen pictures of you.

Bill Gates

[LoCoMoToR]

if i was Bill Gates, than i would be Bill Gatin'.
Wayne.

[Kitsune]

!?!?

If I were KhornateMonkey, I would read the topic properly.

Kitsune

[JDC]

If I were Kitsune, I'd lead the cops on a 10-hour chase.

Jaaskaa

[Jerry]

We do not need stuff like ths, thanks..
-GiacJr

Gandalf

[Jingle]

If I were Gandalf I would tempban everyone for infinity minutes.

Obama.

[JDC]

Jerry, keep it clean... unless your brain cells cannot comprehend my reminder properly.
 

If I were Obama, I would illegalize all marijuana that is not used for strictly medical purposes.
 
Fidel Castro

[TruthSvensson]

If i were Fidel Castro, i'd shave my fucking beard.

Joseph Fritzl